In my experience, white men can, in fact, jump to varying degrees of height. The stereotype asserts that Caucasian men are challenged with verticality because of a lack of soul* and/or a curse to weaken their calve muscles inflicted upon them by Haitian witch doctor slaves. And while both claims are entirely factual, neither of them can explain the existence of Larry Bird. Who knows? Maybe he isn't even human, let alone a Whitey McCracker. Maybe he's an angel, sent here by God/Morgan Freeman to lead the Boston Celtics into basketball legend/bring about the Apocalypse through good sportsmanship and the mysterious number 33. Or, maybe Larry Bird is a demon, rising from the darkest corner of the netherworld every four thousand years to put his uncanny free throwing ability on display and, thusly, taunt humanity into submission, securing his demonic superiority.
Phew. That blog post got weird fast. Glad that’s over.
*"Soul," in this case, being the innate ability to begin breakdancing skillfully whenever a piece of flattened cardboard is happened upon.
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