If I spontaneously transformed into a mythological beast (either as a result of the Liberals unleashing a genetic plague with their devilish stem cell research or by going on some sort of mystical mind-quest after getting knocked in the head by a greedy prostitute with a platform shoe and a powerful backhand), I'd want it to be a unicorn. Except this unicorn would be carnivorous. I'd have multiple rows of eight-inch canine teeth and hyperextensible jaws, just like a shark or Kathy Griffin. Children would be instantly attracted to my beautiful golden coat and my magnificent ivory horn, but the moment they turned their backs, I’d impale them through the chests, killing them only after long minutes of agonizing pain and pitiful cries for their parents - who I would, of course, slaughter and feed upon next. It would be just like the My Pretty Pony animated series, except awesome.
So My Little Pony meets Alien, huh? I like it.
ReplyDeleteIf I could change into a mythological beast I'd transform into a griffin with 2 jet engines and an cache of javelin artillery and sidewinder missles.