fish tank

I love America. Want to know why? You don't? Well, too bad! You're going to hear it anyway!

I love America because this is the land of people who get shit done. Get sick of your boss? Well, if you're an American, you'll pull out your Van Halen in front of her and yell "Harassment!" Bam! Problem solved, bitch! Can't get a date because your breasts resemble two pieces of fish tank gravel glued to a cardboard box? Be a goddamn American! Knock over a convenience store and get those suckers professionally inflated! Nothing like a good boob job to make you publicly presentable! Get tired of feeling unloved and alone in the world?

...well, that kind of sucks. I guess you'd need Prozac for that one. But if you were American, you'd totally pop those pills with a vodka chaser because, in this country, we do everything hard, fast and with little to no thought involved. Yeah, baby!

That's why we're called Americans: Because we cans take care of business. And, no, I don't give a shit if that's improper word usage. This is America, bitch: Only terrorists and queers bother with appropriately utilizing the language.