12-foot leathery wings/miniguns

The problem with this economy is that Americans have lost their healthy fear of dinosaurs. Think about it: In the mid-90's, right after Jurassic Park was released, this country was riding a cash-wave (i.e., a wave made entirely of cash). Fears about imminent giant lizard attacks pushed Americans to go out and spend their monies before Tyrannosaurs started using the malls as latrines and Velociraptors sliced open all the tellers at the community bank. But now it’s only a little over a decade later and, just because no one’s seen a dinosaur outside of a movie for 60 million years, everybody thinks that the threat’s disappeared. Not even the damn Cloverfield monster helped and that was a giant crab covered in giant spiders - the thing was, like, four times worse than any dinosaur. How the hell did that not stimulate the economy? So, I think the only logical answer is for President Obama to order the military to begin randomly staging “dinosaur” attacks on American towns and cities. This will likely involve US soldiers dressing up as Dilophosaurs and Deinonychus, but might even incorporate the occasional Pterodactyl-themed helicopter, complete with 12-foot leathery wings/miniguns. The way I see it, once the military levels a couple of counties to smoking ruins and the locals get to believing that dinosaurs have come back to reclaim their territory and destroy Wal-Mart, Americans will have no choice but to blow their paychecks on Blu-ray discs and designer dog food. I mean, if you’re eaten by dinosaurs, of what worth is money, right? Unless you’re only mauled, not killed. Then, between the cost of recovery and possible cosmetic surgery, money could be pretty important, I guess. But I don’t think that should really be a concern. Dinosaurs have always been fairly thorough and I think Barack Obama knows that.